As a new mom you may wonder how you could have more if the first is this hard! I’m here to tell you my first was the hardest. Part of it was because I was a first time mom, yes, and hadn’t done any of this before. I was trying to figure out how to get him to sleep through the night and this and that but the biggest reason I didn’t realize until I had more kids- he had no one to play with but ME. No older sibling to watch dance around, no one to explore the lid drawer with. I was all he had and depended on to play with him,  help him learn to entertain himself, and have companionship with.

This sounds cute and all, being best friends with your baby, but in real life it’s an annoying pain sometimes! Life is life-calls need to be made, dinner needs to be cooked, your workout needs to get accomplished, laundry needs to be folded and you can only do so much with one arm available.

My first born is the only baby I used a carrier for a LOT. He never got separation anxiety from me but he always wanted to be held or at least able to see what I was up to. One time I remember trying to get dinner ready while he cried and didn’t want to be alone in the living room…so I strapped him to me in the infant carrier. One minute later he was whining again! I remember thinking hey I’m not gonna hold you if you are going to cry either way. Might as well put you down and save my back! But then I realized he was whining because I was chopping onions and he was closer to them being in the carrier. Poor cutie! It’s hard to stay empathetic to them, even when you are their world, because you need your own time too.

Dont get me wrong, my arm still feels like it’s gonna fall off once in a while with my 4th baby and he has 3 siblings! But it is an extremely less attention demanding situation because he has sisters who play with him and he can follow around and explore with.

I love that my babies love me. I love holding them and reading to them and laughing and dancing and singing with them! But life goes on and even though I try to cherish the moments and seal in the special memories, someone has to make dinner and keep the clothes washed and sweep the floor so mice don’t invade!

My 2nd baby was 6 months old when she and her older brother got interested in playing with each other. He loved to hold her for brief periods from the time she was born and try to sing or tickle her but they couldn’t really interact until she was pretty good at sitting up.

I have been there with having a first child and it’s tough. Babies demand your constant thoughts and attention. It’s helpful to prep dinner as early as you can, it’s helpful to have your baby try sitting up higher where he/she can see what is on the counter and what you are doing. I either put my baby in his high chair to be involved in what I am doing or in a walker that sits him up a little with a towel wrapped around him since he can’t really sit up by himself yet. I have used walkers with every baby as their sit-up aid starting after they hit 3 months old. I never used a bumbo chair because I felt like my baby was going to get tripped over or fallen onto. The walker is higher and I feel like they are more protected. Babies need to learn to self-entertain. Don’t feel guilty about putting your baby down to see how they do without constant attention BUT be understanding if they cry…if you don’t interact with them-who will? You got this, friend!

Jexi Burke

I never had a day when I “got it all done.” Sometimes I struggle with feeling like I’m busy all day but at the same time like I didn’t get much done at all. This usually happens when I let an hour or two slip by looking at Amazon or Facebook (okay, okay, or getting caught up in Sofie the First with my kids when I’m supposed to be folding laundry). I should be focusing on what’s really important first. If you fill a jar half way with sand and then try to fit a lot of big rocks into it, it will never work. On the other hand, if you put the big rocks in first and then add the sand, the sand somehow fits between the spaces in the rocks. The rocks represent the major important things we have to get done to feel like we weren’t a failure as a person or parent (examples include giving my child their prescribed medication, paying rent on time, or making sure my son gets homework help if needed). The sand represents other things that aren’t necessities (for me this is tends to be anything from “do I really need to go to the store today, or can that half gallon of milk last us till tomorrow so I have time to take my daughter to the urgent care about her croupy cough before my son gets home from school” to something like shaving my legs-ew I know)

So…how do you prioritize?

My first advice to you is WRITE STUFF DOWN so you don’t have to waste energy to keep remembering everything! Get it out of your brain. Personally I lose paper to-do lists, so I keep a magnetized dry erase board on my fridge. EVERYTHING goes onto that board from my brain-things I need to discuss with hubby when he gets home, things I notice need to be cleaned or organized in the house, bills that need to be paid, calls that need to be made, clothes I need to buy because our sons feet have grown magically overnight, the cottage cheese we are out of, WHATEVER you think of. I also have a calendar on the wall for time-specific commitments like my sons assembly at school, dance class or a doctor appointment. I have three lists 1-random to-dos/shopping that come from the dry erase board, 2-appointments on the calendar, and 3-the daily routines for morning and night. My dry erase board has 3 columns which include shopping list, errands that require the car like returns or trips to somewhere besides a grocery store, and things that need done at home like phone calls or cleaning. This makes it easy to say oh yeah I really need to mail this package and that errand is next to the store for this other errand, etc. When baby is sleeping you can look at your at-home column to see what calls or cleaning you can tackle. Take a picture of your shopping list on your phone before you head to the grocery store so you can’t lose it (unless you’re like me and lose your phone haha)!

My second advice to tackle each day is to create a routine. This has by far been one of the biggest challenges for me. Kids thrive on routine (so do I) and it totally shows when I stick to a routine for a week or two and they learn to expect to eat breakfast and brush their teeth before they can watch a show instead of whining about it. It took me a LONG TIME to get here so if you are in the boat I was in a few years ago, keep at it. Choose items for your routine that seem to be things that should be done every day (get dressed, brush hair, whatever). I still switch stuff around in my routine a little. Some mornings my babies love snuggling and reading books right when they wake up but other mornings they wake up totally famished and asking for food first thing. Not a big deal to swap those two out. I’m trying to get my kids to believe that life isn’t about shows and that we don’t do things “between” shows, but we do shows “between” other things when we accomplish what we need to first. No better way than to lead by example, right? Work before play. I’ve noticed that when I’m on my phone or computer my kids are whinier and more needy, but when I am keeping myself productive folding laundry or sweeping, dishes etc they tend to find things to keep themselves busy too.

Your daily routine should get most of the main stuff out of the way. My son in school has a separate routine from the others. His routine is: wake up, go potty, get dressed in all fresh clothes, socks and shoes on, find backpack and coat, make bed, do homework, clear top of dishwasher, brush teeth. He eats breakfast at school but once in a while will have some applesauce or banana if he is hungry. He knows that once his routine is complete, he can watch a show or build on legos, whatever. He is expected to do his routine with minimal help and he has an actual list that is clipped on the wall since he can read-TOTAL life saver so I don’t get annoyed when he forgets everything and asks whats next constantly. I feel like he loves being able to do it independently too. My three younger cuties have a different morning routine that starts either when they wake up, or after Tavon gets on the bus, depending on how tired I am ;). Their routine takes a while but getting that list out of the way quickly in the morning opens up the whole day to accomplishing my to-do’s and not feeling so stressed if the girls ask to paint toenails with me or play at the park, etc. I say no a lot less and am more satisfied with my life. My routine with them is: wake up, take potty training child pee, change my baby, we read books for 20 min., eat breakfast, clear table and put away dishes in dishwasher, brush teeth, brush hair, change into fresh clothes, make our beds, clean our rooms from the day before, and then they can play or eat a snack while they watch a show. I try to make my appointments on Tuesdays because Mondays are usually CRAZY SAUCE plus I wouldn’t be able to give 24 hr notice in case I need to cancel for some reason and I don’t want to make an appointment for later in the week or I may forget :/ Unfortunately my children and I can usually only handle one doctor/dentist trip each day so I would schedule on different days of the week over trying to tackle them all on Tuesday.

I always write out a schedule for my day, preferably the night before when the kids are asleep. I pencil in the usual time frame for the morning routine, any appointments from the calendar, and look at my dry erase board to add a few of the most important things that need to get done or maybe something that has been on my board for forever because it’s not something absolutely essential but it’s just persistently annoying that it’s not done yet. Sometimes an item tends to stay undone because a different step should come first. For me   it’s something like “call insurance to change address.” Seems simple, but I would first have to look up the number since it’s not saved in my phone and find the insurance card to have my account number on hand. If I change my to-do to “find insurance phone number” that’s a less inclusive step that gets me toward the goal.

PRIORITIZE- Put you and your kids at the top of your priorities. If you neglect yourself by ignoring your health and hygiene it can create bitterness when caring for your cuties and leave you unmotivated. If you give nothing to yourself you have nothing to give. If you start to feel bitter, do something for only you. For me this is usually working out, window shopping on Amazon, taking a shower, putting on makeup, eating chocolate, or laying down on the couch by the kids for ten minutes with no expectations of myself. For other people if might be putting everything off to finish a craft or decoration they are excited about.

When your kids are gone you aren’t going to say “I wish I would have cleaned more!” but you may regret if you didn’t take time to read books or just get down and play pretend with them. Not to mention that spending quality time bonds you and your children so they will be more likely to listen to you, and you will have more patience with them! Your life shouldn’t be your to do list with kids on the side-it should be your kids, with a to do list on the side. That has been a huge struggle for me as hubby is always gone and there is so much to do. Make sure your cuties are warm, have healthy food choices, help brush their teeth and wash hands, and put doctor appointments as priority. It’s better to be safe than sorry. It’s funny because whenever I’m on the way to the urgent care I’m thinking Docs probably going to say it’s nothing or a virus they can’t do anything for…I should just turn around and go home to save the hassle. But I will have peace of mind if I go-I will make them get my daughter a pee test and check for that UTI, or do that throat swab to make sure she doesn’t have strep throat, even when I’m pretty sure she is just saying her throats hurts so she can get a cough drop!

What comes after you and the kids? Personally I go crazy if the house it too messy, so I try to stay on top of the clutter-it gets out of hand so fast that it becomes overwhelming for both you and your children to pick up. My kids are much more likely to pick up “their age” in number of items without complaint than if I say “time to pick up the house”. I usually have the kids pick up a little or help me with a “job” every half hour to break their TV time off or clean up the mess they made so they can go on to the next thing. Finances can be a big stressor for me as well if I don’t know where out budget stands or how much I can and can’t spend on food or an item of needed clothing, etc. so I try to update those weekly, if not daily.

Learn to recognize when you are slacking off. This may sound silly, but recently I realized I am addicted to my cell phone and that it can distract my brain for hours! I need a very clear mission in my head when I pick up my phone or it could turn from paying a bill into reading about pantry organization or checking my notifications on Facebook. No those aren’t terrible things, but they aren’t my essentials and they aren’t being present with my children either. Finish your routine and your important to-dos before you decide that you are going to throw your plan for the day out the door by reading about a new fad diet. If you see something that catches your eye, write it on your to-do board as a subject to look up later or take a screen shot and you can find it when the kids are in bed, etc.

Some days you will feel on top of everything and other days will seem impossible to get anything done but over time we can at least improve on our imperfect ways!

It’s never too late in the day to start the day! If it’s 1:00 and you’re all still in your PJs and your kids have had cereal for lunch and breakfast and the tv has been on a ton, start your routine and make a goal of what to-do’s you want to try to pencil into the day! Don’t rely on having a good or bad day-make it a great one yourself!

Until next time friend,

Jexi