Having my husband work 70 hrs a week and no family within 200 miles is a tough situation  but honestly I don’t know any different. I feel strongly that to grow closer as husband and wife, a couple really needs to break off from both families and rely on each other, growing closer in unity and relying only on each other to build that bond and trust. There comes a point however, when you have that good bond with your spouse and a strength to your relationship that you don’t carry with anyone else. We are at this stage now, and have been there for a while. To me this is the perfect stage to be around family. Help from loving grandparents who love to spend time with their small grandchildren while their mommy goes to a doctor appointment. Help with more than two examples of righteous living. Help with buildings of strong relationships between aunts, uncles, gma, gpa, and especially cousins that can turn into lifelong friends. Help in the form of love felt from extended family.

Having tight knit family help and support is not the case for our little family, and it’s nothing new to me. I have learned to become independent and run my own show at home. If I want to try something or go somewhere, I don’t need someone to come with me, even though it would make it more fun! I have learned to branch out and meet new people, to be more understanding and willing to help others in need. Even simple things like being confident instead of scared in a new town. It has made me a strong person.

With my husband being gone so much he tells me it almost seems wrong that other guys have a 8-5 schedule 5 days a week. He said once he wouldn’t know what to do with himself! I laughed and told him there was a whole list of things I could write for him 😉

In all sincerity though, there is never a time when I sit down and think oh yay, the to do list is all crossed off and I don’t have anything left to do besides eat chocolate and soak up this chick flick! Boy does that sound like heaven!

Tips to help you:

Find a babysitter right away. This is ESSENTIAL for all parents with little kids. Know you have the option to get away and run errands by yourself a couple times a month. Know you can go on a date with your husband. This happens when you find a babysitter or two. I find mine through our church but there are many on craigslist and group facebook pages for your community. I have lived in my current community for 2 years now and have 4 babysitters I can try calling for dates, and a community facebook page I can post if I want to swap childcare with another mom so that I can go volunteer in my sons class or run errand or go to the dentist or SOMETHING haha.

Get a gym membership or join some sort of workout group. This is my favorite thing! I have found a Zumba class that I can’t stand to miss! I love going to dance and exercise without my children under me (literally, when trying to do push ups in my workout at home). It is an out for me, even if I spend an hour getting the kids ready to go because everyone’s shoes seem to be hiding, I feel like it’s worth it! I get to be around other grown ups and I get to exercise for a healthier me.

Find a play date/mommy group. It’s great to get together with other moms at a park or the church and let the kids run around while you get to chat it up! Bring water and snacks so you don’t have to leave early due to whiny kids and make sure their is a bathroom at the park they chose or you can bring a training potty with you (there is no bathroom at the park by us-WEIRD)

Send your extended family pictures about once a week so you can hear their feedback and have regular communication with them. Maybe set up a family facebook page? We have one for both sides of our extended family and they are nice to have.

Prepare a family newsletter every year. I have really enjoyed doing this and I think I sent the last one out mid January which summarized the previous year’s main events and what our children are into at the moment. Keep one for yourself to put in a family scrapbook or journal or something so you can look back someday.

Let your kids “talk” on the phone to family and have pictures on your wall of extended family to help them remember who they are between visits. My baby loves to listen to Grandma’s voice on the phone. Sometimes I can call her when he is crying and he will stop crying to listen.

Keep yourself busy during the day. This means put your phone down, turn the TV off, stand up, and do something beneficial! A body in motion tends to stay in motion and this is a great thing. This doesn’t mean you have to be “getting things done” every second of the day because in fact, you need to slow down with your cuties once in a while and study that rock they found with them or take a few minutes for “cuddle time”. The point is to put important things first and turn on electronics last. This is the only way I have found to really feel productive in the day.

People ask me what I do all day, and parents to the children that I am back-up childcare for, assume I am home all day long with no set plans. Couldn’t be farther from the truth. To anyone curious about what I am responsible for, here is a shortened list that doesn’t include my involvement as a back-up babysitter to 3 families:

I am in charge of ALL finances-creating budgets. updating the category budgets once a week by scanning through our credit card charges. paying bills on time-we get paid twice a month so I go in and pay set bills with each paycheck. Scanning for fraudulent purchases. purchasing reasonably priced, quality gifts for both sides of the extended family as holidays and birthdays approach. Doing the same for our own family. Meal planning and using what we have to save on food budgeting. Making sure we purchase necessities like toilet paper and shoes for the kids, computer paper and ink, this list goes on for eternity so I use my dry erase board when I notice we are getting low on something. price comparisons and reading reviews. going through and filing or trashing all mail. phone calls on financial things. Looking at yard sales for things we need first, then craigslist, then Amazon, then sales at the store.

I am responsible for the kids-taking them to the doctor, remembering their medicines, keeping their nails trimmed, cutting their hair, giving them baths, washing their clothes and bedding, keeping them from jumping out in front of cars, giving them napkins so they don’t wipe their fingers on their shirt, teaching them everything from how to use a fork to why we should be grateful, reading to them every day, loving on them with hugs and kisses, giving them self confidence, signing them up for sports and supporting them by taking them to practice and coming to games, helping them with homework, teaching them the alphabet, limiting their screen time and giving them developmentally increasing activities to do . changing their diapers and wiping their bums, potty training

I am responsible for the food in our home. Making sure we are eating healthy, whole foods. Teaching my children about nutritious foods vs junk foods. Planning meals for 6 people and making them. Purchasing the needed food for the meals or finding a food pantry in the community when are out of real food and don’t get paid for a few days (I can’t wait to be able to volunteer at one of these places someday!)

I am responsible for the upkeep of our home and the garden. I do the laundry, clean the bathtubs and showers, wash the glass doors and mirrors, file the paperwork, vacuum, sweep, mop, wash doorways and doors, sanitize countertops, wipe down table legs and the sticky backs of the chairs, putting the holiday decorations up and taking them down, dusting, taking the trash out, remembering garbage/recycle day, organizing the garage, cleaning out the SUV, keeping the pantry organized, cleaning the fridge microwave and oven, directing my kids as they clean their rooms, refilling soap dispensers, changing the furnace filter, replacing lights that burn out, cleaning couches. plant the garden.weed the garden.

I am responsible for the upkeep of myself. Exercising and eating right, getting enough sleep, showering and doing my hair enough so that I don’t look homeless haha! Reading my scriptures and praying, doing things I enjoy like reading educational articles and singing. Brushing and flossing my teeth, doctor appointments for myself.

I am responsible for being a partner with my husband. Asking about his day and showing him how much I appreciate and love him. Laughing with him. Making sure he has clean clothes for work most of the time. Making him breakfast in the morning. Purchase anything he is needing like new shavers, work clothes, etc. Talking to him about the kids and anything else important.

I am responsible to Heavenly Father for church particiapation through callings, attendance, worthiness. Reading my scriptures, praying, following through with my commitments to my calling, going visiting teaching, offering my assistance when I can to those needing help in my ward, participation in church events to support those who worked hard to plan them, making my home available to the missionaries for dinner. Keeping the commandments. Raising my children to love God.

Like I said, there’s more where that came from as I’m sure people reading this may know, and my amazing husband is able to help me when he is home and can muster the energy-he was a cleaning maniac for Mother’s Day because all I wanted was service through cleaning the house. Best mother’s day ever!) I am very blessed and grateful for my ability to be the one to teach and raise our children!

Jexi Burke

I want to yell when something unexpected and urgent comes up. I used to believe that if my kids went potty before we left, we would avoid the hassle of taking a bathroom break at the store. An uninterrupted shopping trip is what I planned on. This created much anger and frustration for me when kids had to pee at the store. I didn’t expect it and I put the effort in to prevent it! However, after much shopping with my kids, I now EXPECT that my children will need to go potty there. When you expect to be interrupted and distracted, you are sort of mentally prepared and the reaction is more “okay, here we go” instead of “crap! why does this have to happen?! ” which usually ends up in grouchiness and speaking harshly to my children. Now I’m not saying to expect the worst from your children and treat every circumstance like a no biggie, but things like taking the kids to the bathroom at the store, or cleaning up a juice spill during dinner are things children can’t help doing once in a while. They are children so will do childish things. We can’t expect them to be as coordinated or emotionally controlled as an adult. In fact, sometimes to keep my cool I have to think of my children as mentally disabled because they are, if you’re trying to compare them with adults who have fully grown brains. Our cuties won’t have the ability to think logically or control emotion well until they are 8 years old, and even then, they won’t reach full brain maturity until closer to 20 years of age. This knowledge changes me perspective in knowing that my children can learn, but children will still act childishly because they are children and literally not mature mentally. So expect your children to be childish, but that doesn’t mean give up on them. Expect that your potty training child may have an accident and be ready for it, but don’t let up on taking her every hour. Be calmly consistent. They will eventually get it, and overcome things you are worried about, with your help.

I want to yell when power struggles come up. Avoid power struggles when you can. Give kids good warning when a change is coming up to make the transition smoother, and give them choices whenever possible. I give a 2 min warning when we go to the park so my kids have time to process leaving soon. Sometimes I ask how many more minutes they want. Usually it’s reasonable, and I don’t get any argument when I say time’s up! You could also give them a choice- do you want 2 more minutes or 5 more minutes? Let them feel like they have some control. There is always a choice to be found like, “Do you want to stay seated and eat dinner or get down and go to bed hungry?” Or possibly, “You can pick up your toys or if they don’t matter enough to you to take care of then I will come in and put them in the yard sale box.”

I want to yell at my children because I want them to actually listen to me and do what I’m saying so they don’t suffer a consequence. I repeat my request hoping they will listen the 2nd time? Sometimes it’s because I don’t want them to have to have a correction and other times it is out of laziness on my part, not wanting to have to think of one. This is where our time outs come in-our kids time out is not their correction, it’s a place they go so they don’t cause any more trouble while I think of a related consequence. At one point I realized that I was using yelling as a replacement of the consequence for not listening the first time. Calmly correct the first time, like a police officer would. They don’t scream at you as they write you up, you just get your ticket for breaking the speed limit. Enforce but don’t take it personally when they don’t listen, and don’t use yelling as your punishment.

I want to yell when we are going to be late. Tight scheduling and rushing don’t work and lead to a CRAZY SAUCE MOMMY! I got into the habit of rushing to church at the last minute years ago, because when we get their early it means more time for my kids to suffer sitting on the bench while I wrestle with them-am I right? So pretty soon I was leaving as close as possible to getting there exactly on time and then we had more children and it became us being late. The pressure of time causes a natural desire to hurry in me, but my cuties don’t even know how many seconds are in a minute let alone what it means when I say we have to leave in a half hour! I tried to explain the time of one minute and ended up telling them that one minute was about how long it takes to walk up the stairs of the tallest slide at the park and slide to the bottom. I have to give myself an hour slot for us to finish our morning getting-ready-for-the-day routine before we go anywhere. Even that is pushing it, and any less time is almost a guaranteed a yelled sentence here or there. Allow yourself enough time in the day by expecting that everything will take a long time, and if it goes quickly YAY, try to have a backup plan in case you get extra time of things you can do or fun you can have with your kids.

I want to yell in power struggles. Avoid power struggles when you can. This is done by giving choices-not putting them in control by asking something like “would you like to do your chores today?” but instead “I notice you haven’t started your chores yet. Which one would you like to do first?” type thing. My rule is give 2 choices, maybe 3 because more than that always seems pretty overwhelming to my kids and they usually end up choosing something weird that they don’t even like. Whatever you do, if you give them a choice, be willing to accept either option they choose. This was taught to me in college Psychology and I thought it was brilliant! For example, it was my cousin’s birthday and his parents wanted him to try the dinner they made. He wouldn’t even take a bite. So…they gave him a choice that he could either take one bite just to try it and be done, or he wouldn’t get any of his birthday cake. Guess what? He chose no birthday cake. See, I think the parents were trying to come up with an option so awful that he would just take the bite of food and when he chose no birthday cake they decided they wouldn’t have that either because who shouldn’t have birthday cake on their birthday? They altered his choices to be either try a bite or do all the dinner dishes by hand himself (they didn’t have a dishwasher). They were honestly okay about whichever option he chose. It is actually really hard to do, because you have to sit and think in your head how you would feel if they really did choose this or that and make sure the correction fits the problem so that there are no hard feelings on the child’s side of being too harsh, and no hard feelings on your side by feeling like the child got away with something.

I want to yell at a children when he or she seems naughty all day. An idea to avoid this that rings true with all of my children, is spending quality time with them and connecting with them on a daily basis. This magically make them WANT to listen to me more and actually do what I ask without yelling or correction. When your children know you love them enough to take sincere interest in what THEY are saying or what you are doing to play with them, they will be more likely to listen to YOU and help you when you ask. I think the most important part is connecting with each child SOME time during the day, even if it’s just for a minute, really examining that picture she colored and holding her tight while you tell her great work, or saying yes when he asks you to build legos with him, really focusing on him and trying to create something amazing, even for a minute or two. Try to say yes more. I am in the habit of saying no, for some reason 😉 Would it really hurt for them to get a treat at the store to share? Or go to the park even though everyone’s shoes need to be found first? I know it takes a lot of effort and there are always ‘things’ that need to be done but what kinds of things do we want our kids to remember us doing with them as a child?

I get the urge to yell when my youngest is crying and everyone else needs me at that moment too. When my 4th child was born I quickly started using the phrase “please wait your turn, I am helping ___ right now and then I will get right to you. Sometimes it gets so intense that I need to say okay everyone, it’s MOMMY’S turn now, usually because I have to go to the bathroom, get my workout in, or do a step of prepping dinner.

Feeling bitter can be a yelling trigger. It may seem unfair how much your children, or even your spouse, expects of you. When you feel things are unfair, do what makes you happy for you. It is important to take a turn for yourself sometimes. Forget the to-do list for a half hour a day and do something that makes you happy! Tell your children to work it out themselves or don’t be by each other. You don’t have to lose your identity in motherhood. For example, I like to garden. Growing food that will help our budget and our health does wonders for my soul :D! Also reading nutrition stuff is great too, or even just sitting and resting my eyes with NO GUILT while my kids are by me watching a show is pretty nice too. We. Deserve. Something. If you are always giving and never receiving, your tank is running on negative, which is usually=depression or bitterness. Bitterness keeps you from shining. You can’t take care of your family right if you are neglecting your own needs.

Cherish the moments. Lately I have tried to really live in a moment every day and imprint the memory of it in my brain. I get so sick of people saying -it will be over before I know it- or- they grow up so fast- or -enjoy it while I can before they are gone, etc. What are you people talking about. The mothers living in this stage have a hard time cherishing anything when they barely get a chance to go to the bathroom or wipe makeup off from the day before. Our arm feels like it’s gonna fall off from holding a baby or toddler all the time and we only own clothes that are as old as our first born because once you have kids, how ya gonna go try on clothes with a kid trying to escape under the changing door (why can’t they just make the door go all the way to the floor? It baffles me.). The thing is, it may be impossible to cherish everything, but we can take time to cherish something once in a while. Just remembering to cherish things is a challenge that I am trying and you know what? It happens a few times a week and really makes me happier and enjoy motherhood more when I do.

Yelling never created a change of heart in my children to want to do right-just temporary fear to do what I want so mommy isn’t mad anymore. Not the end goal, right? Have you ever yelled at your cuties? What tips do you have for us on yell reduction in the home? I can’t wait to read your suggestions below!

The need to sleep train a baby comes from different things. Have you been co-sleeping and need them in their own bed? Maybe they need a bottle or the breast to fall asleep and you’re ready for them to kick the habit? Perhaps that cutie HAS been sleeping well and just started waking up frequently again? Some babies can sleep through the night coming home from the hospital. I never had one of those babies…and whenever I wonder why my baby keeps waking up, or why they just cry instead of konk out, I mentally go down the list:

Is he hungry? Is he hot or cold? Is he feverish or stuffed up? Is he teething? Is his diaper still clean? Does he have a diaper rash? Is he simply not tired because of a late nap? Is he scared of something? Is there enough light in the room? Does he have a tag on his clothes tickling him or scratching him?

You wouldn’t believe the things I find like dried bread crust down the onesie or a small piece of candy stuck to the back of her hair under her head, or a soiled diaper right after I changed him with a magical instant diaper rash to go along with it. Make sure your baby is well fed, clean diaper, comfy clothes,  has proper medication and humidifier for coughing or stuffy nose, teething or fever, and has nothing possible to be scared about. My favorite night light is a small touch lamp on the lowest setting.

When my first was 8 months old I was utterly exhausted with him sucking to sleep then screaming awake every half hour only to need to suck to sleep again. I new he was not hungry and he wouldn’t take a pacifier-only the breast. It was infuriating and I was always tired. I had to figure something out! So I researched different techniques and read others’ experiences and ended up having to let him cry to sleep in his crib for 3 nights so that he learned to put himself to sleep. I would go in every five minutes at first to tell him it’s ok I love you time for bed go to sleep. I wouldn’t stay in there for more than 30 seconds before I would leave again and I wouldn’t pick him up. After a while I went in every ten minutes if he was still crying, then every 15 minutes. It is very hard because you don’t want to let your baby cry but none of the no cry methods worked for him and I desperately needed sleep and to stop my frustration with him. I know this is not for everyone and I never thought I would let my baby cry but I was at the end of my rope and desperate. If you decide to try something like this, make sure it is when your baby is not sick. My last two babies have gone to sleep better with a very soft blanket or small stuffed animal.

My 3rd child got hysterical when I tried to sleep train her and I ended up sleeping by her crib, refusing to let her suck to sleep. She still cried a ton but I knew she wasn’t scared with me there. I co-slept a lot with her but once she fell off the bed at 6 months old that was it and she needed to learn to sleep in her crib.

So what do I do when they wake up in the night during sleep training? I always immediately go to them. If it has been a few hours they may be hungry anyway for a bottle. If you are trying to wean night feedings you can either do half milk half water or give them a half bottle of milk and just lower it from there. If your baby’s body is used to getting a bottle in the night then your baby really will wake up hungry.

NOW, if your baby was sleeping well in the night and recently decided to get up again, that’s pretty different but the problem needs to be fixed within two nights or it will become habitual for your baby to get up frequently again and WE DON’T WANT THAT, RIGHT?! The first possibility is that your baby is falling asleep somewhere other than where they wake up in the night. Whenever this happened around here, every one of my babies had a rough sleep the rest of the night. Make sure your baby falls asleep where they will be the rest of the night. The hardest part of this for me was them falling asleep in the car seat-SO TEMPTING to just carry them in in the car seat and let them sleep their for the night. BUT not only could it lead to a rough night but it also contributes to a flat spot forming on your baby’s skull.

Another issue is make sure your baby isn’t scared and has enough light. My 6 yr old can talk YAY so he can tell me if he is scared and why. Last time he was scared was because the lights of cars going by in the night cast weird moving shadows through his blinds at night-easy fix-curtains! It’s so nice when they can communicate haha! However babies can’t do that so it ends up being a guessing game. Think of the basic reasons for being scared-weird sound, weird shadows, too dark, etc.

The third problem could be eating patterns. Sometimes they hit a growth spurt and just want to feed night and day all of a sudden, and that’s normal to a certain extent. There is no test that can confirm a growth spurt so make sure they are getting enough to eat in the day, just in case they are trying to compensate at night. Once they are more awake in the day it gets harder for me to get my baby to eat-he just wants to stare around and see what’s going on! If you can, find a quiet spot to feed so he or she can be more focused on the task! I know, I know, easier said than done, but it’s worth the effort so you get your sleep, right? Comment below if you have any further knowledge to share with us!

4:30pm rolls around and I kick myself because I haven’t planned dinner yet. This causes 2 issues-First, it creates the urge to go out to eat which is unhealthy for body and budget. Second, in your unpreparedness you grab things to use that might not need to be used up first, causing waste of foods that needed to be eaten before going bad. Throwing food away is throwing money away. The accepted statistic in America is that 40% of food gets thrown out. That is shocking!

One answer to all this is meal planning. When I sit down to plan meals I look in my fridge at what needs to be eaten first. Knowing what’s in your fridge and freezer is important so you CAN meal plan. There’s no sense in purchasing food at a great deal or even getting it free if it ends up in the dump from being freezer burnt or forgotten and molding in your fridge drawer.

In my home leftovers get thrown out if it hits a week old, has been reheated 3 times and still not eaten, or has sat out for over 2 hours because I embarrassingly forgot to put it away. By meal planning you control what is eaten in what order and save yourself the stress of a last minute brain scuffle . I think about the oldest things in my fridge or freezer, any produce on the counter that is getting over ripe, etc. and try to use up things together that need to be eaten.  One example of this is when I had leftover chicken from grilling the other night, carrots that were going limp in the fridge drawer, and potatoes getting wrinkly. For dinner  I could use up all three to make a curry stew over rice OR chicken pot pie. You can even just type in an item or two to google with the word “recipe” after and search to see if you can come up with any new recipe ideas to eat them.

Many people have a recipe box or binder which is great (I have those too) but I’ve found it beneficial to write down a list on one sheet of paper of all the meals we commonly eat because chances are we have the stuff for those items if we eat them on a regular basis. Also you can use that list to meal plan the week, for example: Monday dinner is hamburgers, green salad, fries and grapes. Chances are I will have buns left over so I will plan on making sloppy joes a few days after with some mashed potatoes, lets say Wednesday. Tuesday is tacos and I usually have extra taco meat so Wednesday’s lunch could be quesadillas with taco meat in the cheese. Maybe I have a leftover hamburger patty from Monday so I can chop it up and add it to the bottom layer of shepherds pie on Thursday, topping that off with leftover mashed potatoes from our sloppy joe meal. I’m not sure if you followed all that but the point is you can make leftovers into different meals instead of having leftovers of the same meal every other night.

After you have meal planned for the week based on what you already have or what needs to be eaten, make a list of what you need to get at the store to finish off those meals and have healthy snack options. You will spend far less if you go to the store knowing what meals you are making and what items you need to complete those meals instead of wandering around the store, purchasing whatever with no plan. Don’t ignore the food you already have at home. If you don’t know what you have, go through your freezer and cupboards and make a list or just familiarize yourself and get it somewhat organized.

Warning:

I gained a good amount of weight one year because we were receiving free goodies from our neighbors and I felt like I should eat them so they didn’t go to waste. I finally realized that it was worse to eat junk than tossing it. My body was suffering by taking in foods with high calories and no nutrients. I no longer feel bad if I enjoy a taste and throw away the rest if it’s been a few days. Foods I don’t feel too bad throwing out include white refined breads, candy, and pastries. I hardly ever buy these things.

I also had a problem throwing away my children’s leftovers so I would eat their leftovers after I just ate my own meal. Please don’t get into this habit. Put some cling wrap or press n seal on their plate and stick it in the fridge for their snack (my kids are hungry every 10 min it seems!). Sometimes I do end up eating their leftovers, but later on when I get hungry again.

I love meal planning because I know the difference it can make on our food budget by not wasting, and I save time by planning ahead!

Best Wishes! Jexi Burke

As a new mom you may wonder how you could have more if the first is this hard! I’m here to tell you my first was the hardest. Part of it was because I was a first time mom, yes, and hadn’t done any of this before. I was trying to figure out how to get him to sleep through the night and this and that but the biggest reason I didn’t realize until I had more kids- he had no one to play with but ME. No older sibling to watch dance around, no one to explore the lid drawer with. I was all he had and depended on to play with him,  help him learn to entertain himself, and have companionship with.

This sounds cute and all, being best friends with your baby, but in real life it’s an annoying pain sometimes! Life is life-calls need to be made, dinner needs to be cooked, your workout needs to get accomplished, laundry needs to be folded and you can only do so much with one arm available.

My first born is the only baby I used a carrier for a LOT. He never got separation anxiety from me but he always wanted to be held or at least able to see what I was up to. One time I remember trying to get dinner ready while he cried and didn’t want to be alone in the living room…so I strapped him to me in the infant carrier. One minute later he was whining again! I remember thinking hey I’m not gonna hold you if you are going to cry either way. Might as well put you down and save my back! But then I realized he was whining because I was chopping onions and he was closer to them being in the carrier. Poor cutie! It’s hard to stay empathetic to them, even when you are their world, because you need your own time too.

Dont get me wrong, my arm still feels like it’s gonna fall off once in a while with my 4th baby and he has 3 siblings! But it is an extremely less attention demanding situation because he has sisters who play with him and he can follow around and explore with.

I love that my babies love me. I love holding them and reading to them and laughing and dancing and singing with them! But life goes on and even though I try to cherish the moments and seal in the special memories, someone has to make dinner and keep the clothes washed and sweep the floor so mice don’t invade!

My 2nd baby was 6 months old when she and her older brother got interested in playing with each other. He loved to hold her for brief periods from the time she was born and try to sing or tickle her but they couldn’t really interact until she was pretty good at sitting up.

I have been there with having a first child and it’s tough. Babies demand your constant thoughts and attention. It’s helpful to prep dinner as early as you can, it’s helpful to have your baby try sitting up higher where he/she can see what is on the counter and what you are doing. I either put my baby in his high chair to be involved in what I am doing or in a walker that sits him up a little with a towel wrapped around him since he can’t really sit up by himself yet. I have used walkers with every baby as their sit-up aid starting after they hit 3 months old. I never used a bumbo chair because I felt like my baby was going to get tripped over or fallen onto. The walker is higher and I feel like they are more protected. Babies need to learn to self-entertain. Don’t feel guilty about putting your baby down to see how they do without constant attention BUT be understanding if they cry…if you don’t interact with them-who will? You got this, friend!

Jexi Burke

I never had a day when I “got it all done.” Sometimes I struggle with feeling like I’m busy all day but at the same time like I didn’t get much done at all. This usually happens when I let an hour or two slip by looking at Amazon or Facebook (okay, okay, or getting caught up in Sofie the First with my kids when I’m supposed to be folding laundry). I should be focusing on what’s really important first. If you fill a jar half way with sand and then try to fit a lot of big rocks into it, it will never work. On the other hand, if you put the big rocks in first and then add the sand, the sand somehow fits between the spaces in the rocks. The rocks represent the major important things we have to get done to feel like we weren’t a failure as a person or parent (examples include giving my child their prescribed medication, paying rent on time, or making sure my son gets homework help if needed). The sand represents other things that aren’t necessities (for me this is tends to be anything from “do I really need to go to the store today, or can that half gallon of milk last us till tomorrow so I have time to take my daughter to the urgent care about her croupy cough before my son gets home from school” to something like shaving my legs-ew I know)

So…how do you prioritize?

My first advice to you is WRITE STUFF DOWN so you don’t have to waste energy to keep remembering everything! Get it out of your brain. Personally I lose paper to-do lists, so I keep a magnetized dry erase board on my fridge. EVERYTHING goes onto that board from my brain-things I need to discuss with hubby when he gets home, things I notice need to be cleaned or organized in the house, bills that need to be paid, calls that need to be made, clothes I need to buy because our sons feet have grown magically overnight, the cottage cheese we are out of, WHATEVER you think of. I also have a calendar on the wall for time-specific commitments like my sons assembly at school, dance class or a doctor appointment. I have three lists 1-random to-dos/shopping that come from the dry erase board, 2-appointments on the calendar, and 3-the daily routines for morning and night. My dry erase board has 3 columns which include shopping list, errands that require the car like returns or trips to somewhere besides a grocery store, and things that need done at home like phone calls or cleaning. This makes it easy to say oh yeah I really need to mail this package and that errand is next to the store for this other errand, etc. When baby is sleeping you can look at your at-home column to see what calls or cleaning you can tackle. Take a picture of your shopping list on your phone before you head to the grocery store so you can’t lose it (unless you’re like me and lose your phone haha)!

My second advice to tackle each day is to create a routine. This has by far been one of the biggest challenges for me. Kids thrive on routine (so do I) and it totally shows when I stick to a routine for a week or two and they learn to expect to eat breakfast and brush their teeth before they can watch a show instead of whining about it. It took me a LONG TIME to get here so if you are in the boat I was in a few years ago, keep at it. Choose items for your routine that seem to be things that should be done every day (get dressed, brush hair, whatever). I still switch stuff around in my routine a little. Some mornings my babies love snuggling and reading books right when they wake up but other mornings they wake up totally famished and asking for food first thing. Not a big deal to swap those two out. I’m trying to get my kids to believe that life isn’t about shows and that we don’t do things “between” shows, but we do shows “between” other things when we accomplish what we need to first. No better way than to lead by example, right? Work before play. I’ve noticed that when I’m on my phone or computer my kids are whinier and more needy, but when I am keeping myself productive folding laundry or sweeping, dishes etc they tend to find things to keep themselves busy too.

Your daily routine should get most of the main stuff out of the way. My son in school has a separate routine from the others. His routine is: wake up, go potty, get dressed in all fresh clothes, socks and shoes on, find backpack and coat, make bed, do homework, clear top of dishwasher, brush teeth. He eats breakfast at school but once in a while will have some applesauce or banana if he is hungry. He knows that once his routine is complete, he can watch a show or build on legos, whatever. He is expected to do his routine with minimal help and he has an actual list that is clipped on the wall since he can read-TOTAL life saver so I don’t get annoyed when he forgets everything and asks whats next constantly. I feel like he loves being able to do it independently too. My three younger cuties have a different morning routine that starts either when they wake up, or after Tavon gets on the bus, depending on how tired I am ;). Their routine takes a while but getting that list out of the way quickly in the morning opens up the whole day to accomplishing my to-do’s and not feeling so stressed if the girls ask to paint toenails with me or play at the park, etc. I say no a lot less and am more satisfied with my life. My routine with them is: wake up, take potty training child pee, change my baby, we read books for 20 min., eat breakfast, clear table and put away dishes in dishwasher, brush teeth, brush hair, change into fresh clothes, make our beds, clean our rooms from the day before, and then they can play or eat a snack while they watch a show. I try to make my appointments on Tuesdays because Mondays are usually CRAZY SAUCE plus I wouldn’t be able to give 24 hr notice in case I need to cancel for some reason and I don’t want to make an appointment for later in the week or I may forget :/ Unfortunately my children and I can usually only handle one doctor/dentist trip each day so I would schedule on different days of the week over trying to tackle them all on Tuesday.

I always write out a schedule for my day, preferably the night before when the kids are asleep. I pencil in the usual time frame for the morning routine, any appointments from the calendar, and look at my dry erase board to add a few of the most important things that need to get done or maybe something that has been on my board for forever because it’s not something absolutely essential but it’s just persistently annoying that it’s not done yet. Sometimes an item tends to stay undone because a different step should come first. For me   it’s something like “call insurance to change address.” Seems simple, but I would first have to look up the number since it’s not saved in my phone and find the insurance card to have my account number on hand. If I change my to-do to “find insurance phone number” that’s a less inclusive step that gets me toward the goal.

PRIORITIZE- Put you and your kids at the top of your priorities. If you neglect yourself by ignoring your health and hygiene it can create bitterness when caring for your cuties and leave you unmotivated. If you give nothing to yourself you have nothing to give. If you start to feel bitter, do something for only you. For me this is usually working out, window shopping on Amazon, taking a shower, putting on makeup, eating chocolate, or laying down on the couch by the kids for ten minutes with no expectations of myself. For other people if might be putting everything off to finish a craft or decoration they are excited about.

When your kids are gone you aren’t going to say “I wish I would have cleaned more!” but you may regret if you didn’t take time to read books or just get down and play pretend with them. Not to mention that spending quality time bonds you and your children so they will be more likely to listen to you, and you will have more patience with them! Your life shouldn’t be your to do list with kids on the side-it should be your kids, with a to do list on the side. That has been a huge struggle for me as hubby is always gone and there is so much to do. Make sure your cuties are warm, have healthy food choices, help brush their teeth and wash hands, and put doctor appointments as priority. It’s better to be safe than sorry. It’s funny because whenever I’m on the way to the urgent care I’m thinking Docs probably going to say it’s nothing or a virus they can’t do anything for…I should just turn around and go home to save the hassle. But I will have peace of mind if I go-I will make them get my daughter a pee test and check for that UTI, or do that throat swab to make sure she doesn’t have strep throat, even when I’m pretty sure she is just saying her throats hurts so she can get a cough drop!

What comes after you and the kids? Personally I go crazy if the house it too messy, so I try to stay on top of the clutter-it gets out of hand so fast that it becomes overwhelming for both you and your children to pick up. My kids are much more likely to pick up “their age” in number of items without complaint than if I say “time to pick up the house”. I usually have the kids pick up a little or help me with a “job” every half hour to break their TV time off or clean up the mess they made so they can go on to the next thing. Finances can be a big stressor for me as well if I don’t know where out budget stands or how much I can and can’t spend on food or an item of needed clothing, etc. so I try to update those weekly, if not daily.

Learn to recognize when you are slacking off. This may sound silly, but recently I realized I am addicted to my cell phone and that it can distract my brain for hours! I need a very clear mission in my head when I pick up my phone or it could turn from paying a bill into reading about pantry organization or checking my notifications on Facebook. No those aren’t terrible things, but they aren’t my essentials and they aren’t being present with my children either. Finish your routine and your important to-dos before you decide that you are going to throw your plan for the day out the door by reading about a new fad diet. If you see something that catches your eye, write it on your to-do board as a subject to look up later or take a screen shot and you can find it when the kids are in bed, etc.

Some days you will feel on top of everything and other days will seem impossible to get anything done but over time we can at least improve on our imperfect ways!

It’s never too late in the day to start the day! If it’s 1:00 and you’re all still in your PJs and your kids have had cereal for lunch and breakfast and the tv has been on a ton, start your routine and make a goal of what to-do’s you want to try to pencil into the day! Don’t rely on having a good or bad day-make it a great one yourself!

Until next time friend,

Jexi

What are some ideas to help you shop with kids? My husband works long hours and with no family around I go shopping all the time with 3 or 4 kids(depending on school days). Half the struggle is getting the kids ready to go, right? (and sometimes that diaper bag seems like an extra kid that you have to get ready as well!) I always bring a snack in the diaper bag for at the store to distract them and keep them from whining about being hungry.

1.Be prepared. I give my cuties something to eat and take them potty before we head out. Be prepared to go potty during your shopping trip if needed as well-you will just get frustrated if you expect that you can shop without interruption! Try your hardest to be patient with your littles while still letting them know that YOU are in charge. You may want to rewrite your shopping list before you leave so that common things are grouped together–no need to go back to produce from across the store 5 times when you could have picked it up going by once! Do not answer your phone while at the store with kids-focus on getting what you need and getting out of there! If you see something you like at the store but you’re just not sure-snap a quick picture of the item with the price and decide at home for the next trip.

2. Expect your children to stay by you. The rule at the store for my kids is to keep your hand on the cart, or you get into the cart. I usually give the child a second chance to get out of the cart after a few minutes, but if they still run off they stay in the cart for the rest of the trip. Sometimes by the time we get to checkout, my oldest two are the ones in the cart while I am holding my 1 yr old on my hip and my 2 yr old is faithfully hanging on to the cart.

3. Let them help as much as they can. Mine think the lucky one gets to hold the shopping list! My oldest can read so he tries to help me read what is next. When it one of my girls’ turns, they are still excited to be responsible for it and show it to me for the next thing. Ask them to help you look for the item, and have them take turns putting items in the cart. Don’t create more stressful situations though such as letting your 2 yr old put the dozen eggs into the cart, or letting your 3 yr old attempt to put a gallon of milk in by herself. Maybe you should avoid letting your kids look at the toys if you will mentally freak about the ice cream melting? You know best! Avoid more stress on yourself but allow them to help as much as you both can handle. My 6 and 4 yr olds love helping put groceries into bags at Winco! Make them feel like heroes when you finally get home and need help bringing bags in!

4. SING! I can’t tell you how much it helps to just sing songs with the kids while we shop. It’s always a way better experience because it lightens the mood.  YES people stare or try to comment on it but realistically I have to ignore the stares and push on…I’m not going to be able to carry out a conversation with strangers when 4 monkeys are on(or in) my cart. I will do a future post on our favorite songs, but a few of our favorites include “the eensy weensy spider”, “I’m a little teapot”, “slippery fish”, and “3 little monkeys”.

5. Give them incentives to be helpful and behave. Getting to stay out of the cart is one, yes, but maybe if they are good they can each choose whatever they want from the produce section? Or get a gumball on the way out? Even if they don’t get to choose anything or get a gumball, maybe they can have a handful of that new cereal or a strawberry from the carton once they get buckled back in to the car?

6. Try not to plan a shopping trip that would last more than an hour-you just can’t expect your kids to behave for forever! Don’t put them through you trying on tons of clothes during a grocery trip…what I do is just purchase whatever it is that I fall in love with in 2 different sizes, hang on tight to the receipt, and return whichever didn’t fit.

7. Know when to quit. We get half way through a shopping trip sometimes when I realize I just want to yell and scream and send them all to bed for the rest of the day. This is not a good place to be and should probably end before it gets to this point! When I feel this happening, I am inclined to either check out with what I have or just leave the cart and go home with my sweethearts. One time I wanted to pick up a few things on the way home from dance class, but as soon as I park to go in the store, I look back at my babies and realize it would be a nightmare shop because they are cranky, tired, hungry, or just want to go home…so we did! To me sometimes it’s worth the money to stop and get the one thing I need from Walgreens or the convenience store so I don’t have to walk across the parking lot with my little kids and wait in line forever for one thing. OR figure out something else for dinner that doesn’t need that item.

8. Consider online shopping for gifts and non-food items. I love Amazon! Read about whether it would be worth it to you in this post!

What ideas do you have for shopping with little kids? Please share by commenting below! We would LOVE LOVE LOVE to benefit from your experience!!!

Happy shopping!      -your friend Jexi

Read about whether it would be worth it to you in this post!

I remember spitefully asking my mother (back then) why my 2 yr old brother didn’t have chores-because it felt like I had chores since birth! The silly thing is that he was on a stepstool by my mother’s side, splashing in the sink while she did the dishes when I asked that question. I realize now that he was doing the first step of “chores” just by watching my mother. Chores aren’t simply “routine household tasks” as the dictionary defines them. Chores are the homework, or practice, of life. I am not forcing physical labor upon my children with chores-I am teaching them how to keep things organized so they aren’t constantly looking for things, how to clean so that their environment is sanitary and prevents sickness(and mice!).  I am going to do my best from the time they are born to teach them to live independently. My 12 month old knows what the word “garbage” means now and will joyfully throw away a few things a day like his banana peels or wrappers after snacks, and diapers after a change. He gets a spoon with meals but is still working on how to use it(or even keep it on his tray!). To me, my 1 yr old learning to feed himself is just as important as my 6 yr old learning to do his own load of laundry from start to finish, because they can’t expect me to feed them and do their laundry their whole lives! Yes there are developmental limits to the tasks we can expect at each age, but the concept stays the same-we are accountable for teaching them to be responsible and do the best they can. Who else is gonna teach them? Example is the biggest key, and it’s the first step noticed in any lesson we teach. Babies always have their eyes on us, watching whatever we do and as soon as they learn to control their movements, they copy us!-even when it makes no sense to them. That’s how they learn! The first step is watch someone do it. Let your kids see you being productive and following an organized routine instead of keeping your face in your phone all day and cleaning when they are in bed at night. Cheerfully tell them that you could really use their help (even though you know the task will take AT LEAST twice as long with their “help”). Kids love to be needed and to feel like heroes!

Steps for teaching a “chore”

Number One-Give them the opportunity to watch YOU perform the task. Number Two-Have them help you perform the task, showing them exactly what to do and how. Number Three- Have THEM perform the task while you are there to help and confirm any questions they have about the task. Number Four-Let them try it out on their own without you right there so they can excitedly tell you they did it on their own and to come check it out! It takes a LOT of work as mommy to teach my children a chore. For example, I had to show my 12 month old where the garbage was and how to put something inside. THEN I could ask him to help me do it, so I take his hand and we go together to the trash can where I place the garbage in his hand and help him drop it in! Then follows a large clapping and cheering ordeal to praise him for his efforts. But ALAS it’s still not over folks-the next time we do it, I am the helper instead of him, “overseeing” his task by encouraging him (yes, that is the garbage can, yes I want you to put it in there) because this is his first attempt by himself. And last of all, the “maintenance” mode where I tell him his task and simply make sure he follows through. Would it be easier to just throw a piece of trash away by myself? Oooooh yeah! But in the long run, by spending the time to teach my child, I am working myself out of SO many chores I would need to do in the future if I always did everything for them.It’s a good idea to check your child’s work but don’t expect it to be perfect! Give them an explosion of praise and thank them for being part of the family. If you expect perfection and constantly correct the task they did their best to complete, you slash their self confidence and eagerness to do the task because who wants to do something they are no good at anyway, right?

Teaching children to help willingly around the house can be tricky! Should we reward them when they help?…or does that mean they will  expect a reward for every good thing they do? And in addition to that, if we lead by example and willingly help them with things-will that slow their independence and their ability to do things on their own? Do we expect too much of our children or not enough?

Okay I’m just gonna tell you the secret!

One day I was pretty darn tired folks! My oldest was in school so I asked my 3 year old if she would clear the entire dishwasher if I gave her a dollar! Now a dollar around here is a big deal for a little kid and she seemed excited to try. I sat on the couch while she made the attempt, fully expecting that she would make it about half way because that was her normal chore. Well that little cutie cleared the whole dishwasher and did it super quick! I couldn’t believe it… I gave her the well-earned dollar and a million bucks worth of praises! Then a revelation hit me-SHE CAN CLEAR THE DISHWASHER ALL BY HERSELF. I didn’t know she could do that before. She knew where everything went from the top and bottom racks and utensils. Now when I want to test wether my children have the realistic ability to do something I have never fully expected of them, I bribe them with big bucks or some kind of grand prize if they can accomplish it. If they can do it, AWESOME SAUCE and I add it to the list of chores I can realistically expect them to do. If they give a great attempt and don’t make it, I know they aren’t ready for it yet and just need to keep up the baby steps!

DON’T EXPECT YOUR CUTIE TO DO A CHORE THEY HAVE NEVER DONE, NO MATTER HOW EASY IT IS (FOR YOU)!

For example, sweeping! I don’t remember learning how to sweep so it must have been a piece of cake right!? Ooooohoho no. You never knew how hard sweeping could be till you teach someone who has never done it! My 6 year old can ride a 2 wheeler and read but he can’t get this sweeping thing down? Please have patience when something so easy for you is so difficult for your cutie to learn. They may not be ready, or they may just need a lot of practice and reminders on how to do it right.

OFFERING INCENTIVES FOR CHORES

My favorite are natural incentives for finishing chores such as “if you finish your chores quickly you will have more time to play outside.” I do not pay my children to clean up after themselves or for finishing their normal responsibilities…but I MAY pay them for accomplishing their work CHEERFULLY!  Especially if they have been whining lately and I think they forgot how to be happy. My son has learned that the only GUARANTEED way to earn money is to finish his regular responsibilities first and then ask what “extra chores” he can earn money for. These are chores I would normally do like taking the garbage to the curb or sweeping the patio. Maybe even helping his sister go potty while she is potty training. I think this system works very well to show kids that they are expected to help but they are not our servants. If my children whine when I tell them it’s time to clean up after themselves, I keep giving them extra jobs until they can choose to be happy to do them or at least not complain about it.

ARE YOU EXPECTING TOO MUCH?

Sometimes we are get frustrated with our cuties even when they are trying. This happened to me and my 2 year old yesterday. I was once again trying to teach her to put her clothes away by herself by pointing to the pictures on her drawers and having her find the matching items from her clean clothes pile to put inside. However, she wasn’t doing well again and my frustration was making the experience less than appealing for both of us. Today when we were putting clothes away, I decided to sort her clothes for her, have her choose a drawer to open, and hand her the appropriate clothes that matched the picture on that drawer. This skipped the step of sorting her own clothes which developmentally she wasn’t able to do well. It ended up being a pleasant experience and THATS WHAT MATTERS the most. We all want our children to willingly work hard and do their best but the willing part only comes when learning to be independent is a positive experience. She was able to help put her clothes away with a positive experience. One step closer to independence than me doing it all for her!

I EXPECT MY CHILDREN TO TRY

My 3 yr olds favorite phrase seems to be “I can’t do it!” She usually uses it when she just doesn’t want to do something or expects me to help her. But sometimes…she really can’t do it(on her own)! I believe that telling a child to try before helping them is showing confidence in them. It encourages them to try before they ask for help so they can say  “Look! I did it!” and feel the pride that comes. If they try and don’t succeed, praise will come their way for trying! When my 3 yr old repeats her common phrase I just say ” Mommy, will you help me please?” and she repeats the new phrase I have given her. The combined effort to have her try first and then ask for help instead of saying she can’t do it has gone a long way in her self confidence.