Having my husband work 70 hrs a week and no family within 200 miles is a tough situation but honestly I don’t know any different. I feel strongly that to grow closer as husband and wife, a couple really needs to break off from both families and rely on each other, growing closer in unity and relying only on each other to build that bond and trust. There comes a point however, when you have that good bond with your spouse and a strength to your relationship that you don’t carry with anyone else. We are at this stage now, and have been there for a while. To me this is the perfect stage to be around family. Help from loving grandparents who love to spend time with their small grandchildren while their mommy goes to a doctor appointment. Help with more than two examples of righteous living. Help with buildings of strong relationships between aunts, uncles, gma, gpa, and especially cousins that can turn into lifelong friends. Help in the form of love felt from extended family.
Having tight knit family help and support is not the case for our little family, and it’s nothing new to me. I have learned to become independent and run my own show at home. If I want to try something or go somewhere, I don’t need someone to come with me, even though it would make it more fun! I have learned to branch out and meet new people, to be more understanding and willing to help others in need. Even simple things like being confident instead of scared in a new town. It has made me a strong person.
With my husband being gone so much he tells me it almost seems wrong that other guys have a 8-5 schedule 5 days a week. He said once he wouldn’t know what to do with himself! I laughed and told him there was a whole list of things I could write for him 😉
In all sincerity though, there is never a time when I sit down and think oh yay, the to do list is all crossed off and I don’t have anything left to do besides eat chocolate and soak up this chick flick! Boy does that sound like heaven!
Tips to help you:
Find a babysitter right away. This is ESSENTIAL for all parents with little kids. Know you have the option to get away and run errands by yourself a couple times a month. Know you can go on a date with your husband. This happens when you find a babysitter or two. I find mine through our church but there are many on craigslist and group facebook pages for your community. I have lived in my current community for 2 years now and have 4 babysitters I can try calling for dates, and a community facebook page I can post if I want to swap childcare with another mom so that I can go volunteer in my sons class or run errand or go to the dentist or SOMETHING haha.
Get a gym membership or join some sort of workout group. This is my favorite thing! I have found a Zumba class that I can’t stand to miss! I love going to dance and exercise without my children under me (literally, when trying to do push ups in my workout at home). It is an out for me, even if I spend an hour getting the kids ready to go because everyone’s shoes seem to be hiding, I feel like it’s worth it! I get to be around other grown ups and I get to exercise for a healthier me.
Find a play date/mommy group. It’s great to get together with other moms at a park or the church and let the kids run around while you get to chat it up! Bring water and snacks so you don’t have to leave early due to whiny kids and make sure their is a bathroom at the park they chose or you can bring a training potty with you (there is no bathroom at the park by us-WEIRD)
Send your extended family pictures about once a week so you can hear their feedback and have regular communication with them. Maybe set up a family facebook page? We have one for both sides of our extended family and they are nice to have.
Prepare a family newsletter every year. I have really enjoyed doing this and I think I sent the last one out mid January which summarized the previous year’s main events and what our children are into at the moment. Keep one for yourself to put in a family scrapbook or journal or something so you can look back someday.
Let your kids “talk” on the phone to family and have pictures on your wall of extended family to help them remember who they are between visits. My baby loves to listen to Grandma’s voice on the phone. Sometimes I can call her when he is crying and he will stop crying to listen.
Keep yourself busy during the day. This means put your phone down, turn the TV off, stand up, and do something beneficial! A body in motion tends to stay in motion and this is a great thing. This doesn’t mean you have to be “getting things done” every second of the day because in fact, you need to slow down with your cuties once in a while and study that rock they found with them or take a few minutes for “cuddle time”. The point is to put important things first and turn on electronics last. This is the only way I have found to really feel productive in the day.
People ask me what I do all day, and parents to the children that I am back-up childcare for, assume I am home all day long with no set plans. Couldn’t be farther from the truth. To anyone curious about what I am responsible for, here is a shortened list that doesn’t include my involvement as a back-up babysitter to 3 families:
I am in charge of ALL finances-creating budgets. updating the category budgets once a week by scanning through our credit card charges. paying bills on time-we get paid twice a month so I go in and pay set bills with each paycheck. Scanning for fraudulent purchases. purchasing reasonably priced, quality gifts for both sides of the extended family as holidays and birthdays approach. Doing the same for our own family. Meal planning and using what we have to save on food budgeting. Making sure we purchase necessities like toilet paper and shoes for the kids, computer paper and ink, this list goes on for eternity so I use my dry erase board when I notice we are getting low on something. price comparisons and reading reviews. going through and filing or trashing all mail. phone calls on financial things. Looking at yard sales for things we need first, then craigslist, then Amazon, then sales at the store.
I am responsible for the kids-taking them to the doctor, remembering their medicines, keeping their nails trimmed, cutting their hair, giving them baths, washing their clothes and bedding, keeping them from jumping out in front of cars, giving them napkins so they don’t wipe their fingers on their shirt, teaching them everything from how to use a fork to why we should be grateful, reading to them every day, loving on them with hugs and kisses, giving them self confidence, signing them up for sports and supporting them by taking them to practice and coming to games, helping them with homework, teaching them the alphabet, limiting their screen time and giving them developmentally increasing activities to do . changing their diapers and wiping their bums, potty training
I am responsible for the food in our home. Making sure we are eating healthy, whole foods. Teaching my children about nutritious foods vs junk foods. Planning meals for 6 people and making them. Purchasing the needed food for the meals or finding a food pantry in the community when are out of real food and don’t get paid for a few days (I can’t wait to be able to volunteer at one of these places someday!)
I am responsible for the upkeep of our home and the garden. I do the laundry, clean the bathtubs and showers, wash the glass doors and mirrors, file the paperwork, vacuum, sweep, mop, wash doorways and doors, sanitize countertops, wipe down table legs and the sticky backs of the chairs, putting the holiday decorations up and taking them down, dusting, taking the trash out, remembering garbage/recycle day, organizing the garage, cleaning out the SUV, keeping the pantry organized, cleaning the fridge microwave and oven, directing my kids as they clean their rooms, refilling soap dispensers, changing the furnace filter, replacing lights that burn out, cleaning couches. plant the garden.weed the garden.
I am responsible for the upkeep of myself. Exercising and eating right, getting enough sleep, showering and doing my hair enough so that I don’t look homeless haha! Reading my scriptures and praying, doing things I enjoy like reading educational articles and singing. Brushing and flossing my teeth, doctor appointments for myself.
I am responsible for being a partner with my husband. Asking about his day and showing him how much I appreciate and love him. Laughing with him. Making sure he has clean clothes for work most of the time. Making him breakfast in the morning. Purchase anything he is needing like new shavers, work clothes, etc. Talking to him about the kids and anything else important.
I am responsible to Heavenly Father for church particiapation through callings, attendance, worthiness. Reading my scriptures, praying, following through with my commitments to my calling, going visiting teaching, offering my assistance when I can to those needing help in my ward, participation in church events to support those who worked hard to plan them, making my home available to the missionaries for dinner. Keeping the commandments. Raising my children to love God.
Like I said, there’s more where that came from as I’m sure people reading this may know, and my amazing husband is able to help me when he is home and can muster the energy-he was a cleaning maniac for Mother’s Day because all I wanted was service through cleaning the house. Best mother’s day ever!) I am very blessed and grateful for my ability to be the one to teach and raise our children!
Jexi Burke