My second is a girl and potty training was an ugly ordeal, even having experience with my first. I yelled at her more than once when she would have “accidents” that seemed more like purposeful pooping on the floor. She had been going in the potty quite a bit so I felt like she knew how and I wondered why she didn’t just do it all the time. My third is a girl as well, Ali, and it went about the same as my first daughter. I felt like potty training took away the special baby bond I had with them because I had outbursts once in a while in frustration. I didn’t want to wait for them to “potty train themself” because I knew 4 year olds who weren’t potty trained and I didn’t want to have 3 kids in diapers, nor did I want to spend all our money on diapers. The thing I learned with Ali was to use her favorite show as a reward. She was free to watch whatever she wanted but “Sofia the first” was off limits unless she went in the potty. Treats didn’t really matter to her. She was consistent with potty training by day three of switching her reward to her favorite show!!

My fourth child is another boy, Kyler. I delayed potty training him because he was supposedly my last child and I didn’t have to worry about having two in diapers. I was going to see how the “wait until they are ready” thing worked out. I would ask him once in a while if he wanted to try going on the potty. Sometimes he would, sometimes he would say no, but he never did go in the potty. But his third birthday was coming up and he showed all the signs of being ready-especially the one where he brought me his diapers and wipes and asked to be changed. He would also hide to poop and ask to be changed afterwards. Yet when asked if he was ready to poop on the potty like a big boy he said no.

I found out I was surprise pregnant and was hoping to potty train my youngest by the time he turned 3. Our other kids took about 3 months from the start of their potty training to be “fully potty trained (don’t have to wear diapers ‘just in case’ when we go out or when they go to childcare at church). I did a lot of reading on new ideas and almost bought a huge package of pull-ups to get it going. Something kept stopping me from buying them though. I talked to Caleb about how he felt potty training Kyler and when we should start. He agreed that we should start soon but with our family of 6 and being pregnant it always seemed so busy with appointments and school/church stuff, and I wanted a couple days where we were mostly at home. We never really set a specific day to start. I was going to go to Winco to get some jelly beans in bulk so we would have a reward on hand, then we could start. Guys, at this point, Heavenly Father knew exactly what I was thinking-I had TOLD him in my mind multiple times. I hadn’t wanted to think about another baby until certain things in my life were met, and having my youngest potty trained was one of them. But here I was pregnant unexpectedly and my youngest wasn’t potty trained and we had 3 older children to take care of as well.

One day Kyler asked to play in the bath with his cars, and he pooped in the bathtub. He is very honest with me and yelled to me that he pooped in the tub. I took him out and set him on the little potty with a towel around him. I told him to try pooping more into the potty, but there was a lot in the tub and I didnt have any expectation of him doing it- it was more of a place to put him while I got his new clothes and cleaned out the poop from the tub. A couple minutes later he tells me he pooped again and I’m thinking oh sure, but I checked and sure enough he had pooped MORE in the little potty. I gave him praise like crazy and a chocolate chip from the cupboard. I decided to start potty training right then and there. We set the timer and I told him we could watch his favorite show (Robocars) when he pooped or peed in the potty again. He was potty trained almost all of the way within 3 DAYS from that moment. I was ASTONISHED at the blessing and miracle of it all. His third birthday was 10 days away. Very different experience than my first three, and I am grateful beyond words for the love and consideration Heavenly Father showed me through this event that some people might think is “small” but it was HUGE to me.

So by the skin of my teeth I can say that our four children were all potty trained by the time they turned 3 hahaha! And also that I am totally understanding of why someone would wait to potty train their child for longer. The following list of tips are what I wish someone handed me with my first. You are not alone in your potty training with your sweet child! Please feel my encouragement as you attempt to find what works best for you and your child!

1. Look for the signs of your child being ready. These include hiding to go potty, removing their wet or soiled diaper themselves, and asking to be changed. They should also be dry when they wake up from a nap (try to check immediately upon waking). Their bladder should have developed the capability of going a while without peeing themselves. They don’t have to have ALL of the signs. You can always commit and try it to see how it goes!
2.  Do NOT use pull ups or diapers unless you go somewhere. This was something very important I learned from my first child. Having to change their outfit or clean their car seat created a lot of frustration for me when I was trying to get to an appointment or run errands. It’s ok for them to wear a diaper/pull up when you go somewhere in the car, but it brings me to tip 3…
3.  When you go somewhere with your potty trainee, immediately take them to the restroom when you arrive there, whether or not they went before you left. This is very important because it teaches them that there are potties everywhere whenever they need to go, and that you will take time out of the trip to take them potty when needed.
   Have a small potty in the car at all times. We originally bought a travel potty that folded up and had disposable bag inserts…the inserts were too spendy for my liking so I got a small bjorn potty at a yard sale and we keep the insert in the back of our car ALL the time. It has saved me so many times from having to stop and pull all four kids out of the car to make an emergency stop at a store or gas station somewhere. Even our 6 year old has needed to use it before. I realize that some people might think it’s weird to have a child sit in the back of the car and go potty there, but to me it has been a fantastic life saver and we just dump it at home, or if we are on a long trip I just pour it into the weeds off the road (is that too detailed?? This is potty training talk after all haha)
4. When you are at home (try to spend the first couple days mostly at home), I think it’s effective to have them be naked from the waist down for the first few days. It’s good for them to see what is happening in conjunction with the feeling when they have to go. Wearing a diaper that absorbs it all hides what is going on and they possibly don’t even feel wet. They realize when they have the feeling of going, there is liquid coming out and it gets everywhere if they don’t go on the potty! It also makes it easy for you as the parent to see and catch what is going on and run them to the potty mid-stream if you can! What a great way to get them to pee a little in the potty and be able to reward them! Once they see and feel what is going on for a day or two, we us regular undies with their favorite characters on them. They enjoy picking out which undies to wear.
5. Don’t use diapers or pull ups in the night either. Be mindful when they wake up in the night! ALL of my cuties woke up in the night more frequently the night after we started potty training. When they get up in the night, take them to the potty! Whether they go or not, teach them it’s ok to go potty in the night, too. We bought a bed pad to put under them when accidents happened at night so we didn’t have to change all the bedding. I think this step is one of the most important…Potty train them 24/7, not just during the day and you won’t have to deal with kids wetting the bed a ton! To avoid getting them too awakened at night, I put dry clothes on them, switch out the bed pad/towel, and then bathe them in the morning.
6.  Be consistent with timing. Set a timer on your oven or phone, etc. and take them every 30 min. If they DO go on the potty, set the timer for 60 min. after. Whenever they don’t go, set it for another 30 min. When they have an accident, take them to sit on the potty for a couple minutes and restart the timer for 30 min. I made the mistake of taking my first child every 10-20 min and he got so sick of sitting on the potty and would cry.
7. Practice what to say for different situations so you don’t have to think about it too much. For example, when Kyler had an accident we say “Uh-oh, you peed on your paw patrols undies so we have to stop playing now to change (remember you are also sitting them on the potty after the accident). I can give you a jelly bean if you pee in the potty.” Don’t yell at or blame your child. Remind them if they go in the potty they can have their reward. Try to have a matter-of-fact tone instead of putting pressure on them. Let them know you are sorry they had to stop playing, it’s a real bummer, but when we pee our pants we have to stop having fun to go change. When we pee in the potty we don’t have to change and we get our treat (or show, or whatever it is). Give them praise EVERY time they try to go potty, whether they get anything out or not. You can even give them a sticker if you are having trouble getting them to sit on the potty. You could also sing a song or read them a book. It’s nice for them to know they can be done trying when the song is over or the book is done, instead of an undetermined amount of time.
8. Teach your child to tell you when they go potty or have to go. I have noticed a big difference once we implement this into potty training. Teaching your child to communicate to you that they peed or are in the middle of peeing or need to pee is BIG. Vocalizing that they have peed in their pants helps them form the habit to TELL YOU. We are training them to tell us when they need to go pee, and the first step to that is to say when they HAVE PEED. I practice with my kids. Whenever they have an accident I say, Let’s practice! Yell out ‘mommy, I have to pee!’ And usually they start out quiet during our practice but we practice it quite a bit. They tend to use the phrase while they are wetting themselves at the beginning, which is still great cuz then I can rush them to the potty to see if they will get anything into it and get a reward.
9. I let my babies come in with me when I go to the potty. I also went potty on big toilet while they sat on the little one a lot of the time. This lets them see that it’s a normal thing to do, what happens after I go (we flush the potty, say “bye bye, pee pee!”, and clap our hands. Sometimes they even want to get my toilet paper.) I also teach them to tell me good job mommy! This example is a big one. It teaches them that it’s normal to go pee in the potty, that it’s a deed worth celebrating. Many people have recommended to me the baby dolls that can pee, and while I think it’s a fabulous idea to have a controlled example they can see pee on their potty, I tried it with one of my girls and didn’t see any magical effect that did any more than having them see ME go potty.
10. I tried to remember to pray. Pray before you start, pray for patience in the day to see your baby through heaven’s eyes as they are pooping on your carpet! Pray for ideas for rewards or a different way of approaching things that may create a more successful experience for you and your child. Pray for your child and yourself. Pray for help with anything you need to do to be consistent, because consistency is so important.
    Don’t feel like a failure if it isn’t going how you think it should. Ask for help from your spouse or a family member. All you can do is your best…life happens when you may have to wait and try again later with fresh dedication!

Good luck, mamma!

Your friend, Jexi

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